WHOEVER MAKES ME LAUHP THE MPST GETS BRAINLIEST!!

- MUST be at least 4 sentences long (I don't care if its multiple jokes or a story, just give me lots of funny content)

- ABSOLUTLY NO LINKS

- Be creative


THANKS!!

Answers

Answer 1

Answer:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “because,” he said “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

Answer 2

Answer:

Ok, here's one:

me.

Here's another:

Two guys walk into a  bar. You'd think that the second one would've ducked!!

Joke #3:

I hate when people say "Age" is just a number. It's clearly a word.

Joke #4:

A man and his son were playing chess. He tells him, "Let's make this interesting." So they stopped playing chess.

Joke #5:

My friend said I'm starting to annoy him because I relate everything to Batman. What a Joker!

Hope these made you laugh!!! Mark Brainliest if ya really think so!!!


Related Questions

The piles of sands deposited by wind are called...................
a)lake
b)Cliffs
c)Dunes
d)bar

help:(​

Answers

Answer:

A) Dunes

Hope this helps !

C: (Dunes) is the correct answer to this question.

Which of these individuals is the most likely to need professional help for substance abuse?
A.
Since Diane changed schools, she has become the opposite of the extrovert she once was.
B.
Claire suddenly quit hanging out with her old friends and always looks tired and distracted.
C.
Jeremy takes prescription medication to treat his chronic headaches

Answers

Answer:

The answer would be C.

Explanation:

Clair is no longer hanging out with her friends. She is most likely using a drug, and she is addicted to the drug she is using.

I did get a 100% on my test, so this is correct!

Answer: c
Explanation

who should i ask for job references?

it’s my first time applying for a job, and i literally don’t have anyone to put down
and i’m not on good terms with any of my teachers so they’re off the list, same goes for my guidance counselor so like i don’t know what to do

Answers

Explanation:

Recent bosses. ...

Co-workers. ...

Professors. ...

Friends… but only if they're a professional reference. ...

Group members. ...

Any place you've volunteered. ...

The person you babysit for or whose lawn you mowed every summer. ...

You can cause any one that you feel more comfortable with are all .

What do respiratory therapists do?
design and manufacture breathing machines
help patients recover from breathing problems
study and find cures for respiratory diseases
study air quality for better, cleaner breathing

Answers

I believe it’s: Help patients recover from breathing problems

respiratory therapists help patients recover from breathing problems.

what is breathing ?

The process of breathing can be defined where air moves in and out of the lungs carried out various respiratory organs, during breathing  oxygen rich air taken from the atmosphere and give  out carbon dioxide-rich in the atmosphere used by the plants for photosynthesis.

Breathing is a continuous and voluntary process and it passes throughout the life of an organism. oxygen Taking is called as inhalation whereas the exhalation include exit of carbon dioxide.

One breath consist of one inhalation and one exhalation, the number of times a person breathes called as breathing rate, it  varies which is dependent upon a person’s activity.

In an adult the breathing rate ranges from 15-18 times per minute, during heavy exercise, the breathing rate exceeds 25 times per minute.

For more details regarding breathing, visit

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Varying activities gives everyone a chance to have fun and to be more successful.
Please select the best answer from the choices provided.
T
ОО
F

Answers

This is true! Hope this helps

Answer:

T

Explanation:

Which statement about the positioning of individuals who are dying is correct?

Their feet should be elevated at all times.
They should be allowed to stay in the position they are most comfortable.
They should be repositioned every couple hours.
They should be moved only when they ask.

Answers

they should be allowed to stay in the position they are most comfortable

Answer:

They should be repositioned every couple hours

Explanation:

This prevents them from getting bed sores.

Which option will provide the best outcome when saying no to harmful substances?

Leave the location.
Ignore the person.
Limit the amount.
Ask for more time.

Answers

Answer:

leave the location

Explanation:

Answer:

leave the location

Explanation:

How has stress management affect students because of the pandemic

Answers

It can put them in a horrible head space due to online school and not being able to socialize as much

How does usage determine the effectiveness of contraceptives?

Answers

Answer:

Contraception effectiveness is measured by how many women will get pregnant within a year of using that method. For example, the effectiveness of male condoms with perfect use is 98%. This means out of 100 women using condoms correctly all the time, two will become pregnant within one year.

-What is one key reason communicable diseases are no longer the top causes of death in today's world?

Answers

Answer:

Communicable diseases are no longer the top causes of death in todays world because now we have access to vaccines and other medicines to help us fight diseases.

Explanation:

satyarth where are you​

Answers

Answer:

i do not know.

Explanation:

I hope you find out who you are looking for.

oh………………………..



okayyyy

What do you understand by personal hygiene?​

Answers

Answer:

Personal hygiene is how you care for your body. This practice includes bathing, washing your hands, brushing your teeth, and more. Every day, you come into contact with millions of outside germs and viruses. They can linger on your body, and in some cases, they may make you sick.

Since the first person gave the answer here are some examples

washing the body often. If possible, everybody should have a shower or a bath every day. However, there may be times when this is not possible, for example, when people are out camping or there is a shortage of water
If this happens, a swim or a wash all over the body with a wet sponge or cloth will do
cleaning the teeth at least once a day. Brushing the teeth after each meal is the best way of making sure that gum disease and tooth decay are avoided. It is very important to clean teeth after breakfast and immediately before going to bed
washing the hair with soap or shampoo at least once a week
washing hands with soap after going to the toilet
washing hands with soap before preparing and/or eating food. During normal daily activities, such as working and playing, disease causing germs may get onto the hands and under the nails. If the germs are not washed off before preparing food or eating, they may get onto the food
changing into clean clothes. Dirty clothes should be washed with laundry soap before wearing them again
hanging clothes in the sun to dry. The sun's rays will kill some disease-causing germs and parasites
turning away from other people and covering the nose and mouth with a tissue or the hand when coughing or sneezing. If this is not done, droplets of liquid containing germs from the nose and mouth will be spread in the air and other people can breathe them in, or the droplets can get onto food

What makes plastic bottles a big concern in oceans and not other materials such as metals, wood or paper materials?

A - Bottle caps are light weight and MORE dense than water, so they float.

B - Water bottles are made of PET which is LESS dense than the ocean water so they sink to the bottom.

C - Bottle caps are light weight and LESS dense than water, so they float.

D - Water bottles are made of PET which is MORE dense than the ocean water so they sink to the bottom.

Answers

Answer C

Expiation- it’s right

first person to make me laugh gets brainliest

please write at least 4 sentences of jokes or funny stories

no links

have fun!

Answers

Answer:

Why couldn't the pony sing a lullaby?

Explanation:

She was a little horse.

i know im corny XD

What do you call a bear with no teeth a gummy bear

How should you care for a responsive infant who is choking, cannot cough, cry or breathe?
a Give abdominal thrusts.
b Give back blows and chest thrusts to clear the airway.
c Give back blows until the infant starts to cough.
d Open the infant's mouth and clear the airway.

Answers

Answer:

A. give abdominal thrusts

Explanation:

You care for a responsive infant who is choking, cannot cough, cry or breathe is :

a) Give abdominal thrusts.

You care for a responsive infant who is choking, cannot cough, cry or breathe it gives an abdominal thrusts.

Thus, the correct answer is A.

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Which of the following is recommended to eat when you are constipated (having trouble pooping)?

A.protein

B.carbs

C.fiber​

Answers

Answer:

I think no A OR C

IF WRONG CORRECT ME PLS

HAVE A NICE DAY

#Captainpower

Fiber Im pretty sure because it decreases ur chance of constipation

2. What is the addictive drug in tobacco?
A. cocaine
B. nicotine
C. caffeine
D. morphine

Answers

The answer is B. nicotine

Answer:

B

Explanation:

a student carries out a food test b adding Benedict solution to a sample of food. the food was then heated. which nutrient is the student testing for?

Answers

Answer:

Glucose

Explanation:

Identify potentially dangerous environmental conditions such as wind, cold, heat, and insects
briefly explain why or when each of these conditions might be dangerous
give one suggestion for preventing each condition and one suggestion for treating each condition

Answers

Answer:

sorry

Explanation:

Wind, cold, heat, and insects can all damage your skin. To prevent wind and cold wear a coat. To treat wind and cold, get warm. For heat, drink water and wear shorts and tank tops, and stuff like that. To treat heat, go inside your house or car and turn up the AC, or put ice ever you have a burn. For insects, using insect killing spray to prevent insects. Go to the doctor if you have to treat a sickness from insects

Sometimes when a person or child is upset, it is possible to calm them down by gently placing one hand at the base of the head and the other hand on the sacrum. Explain why this helps to relax someone.

Answers

This technique is known as grounding, and it is believed to help to relax someone by providing them with a physical connection to the ground.

What do you mean by grounding?

Grounding is a technique used to help people feel more connected to the present moment and to their bodies. It is an effective way to reduce stress and anxiety, and to help manage difficult emotions. It involves using the five senses to connect with the environment around you and to bring yourself into the present moment. Examples of grounding techniques include deep breathing, focusing on the physical sensations in your body, looking around the environment and taking in the sights, smells, and sounds, and engaging in mindful activities such as yoga, tai chi, and meditation.

By placing both hands on the body, the practitioner is providing an anchor for the person or child to feel a sense of security and safety. This type of touch is also thought to help release tension and stress, as well as helping to reduce the intensity of an emotionally charged reaction. Additionally, it can help to give the person or child a sense of being cared for and heard.

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How did stress management affect people not including school

Answers

Explanation:

When a student is stressed and preoccupied, it takes over their ability to focus during lectures or studying. Stress may even cause students to drop out of school or drop classes.

How has it changed over the years be detailed football .

Answers

Answer:

Since the game of football started over a hundred years ago, football has evolved and changed. But during this time, there have never been more changes than over the past 20 years or so. Players have to be fitter as they have to cover more than 50% more distance than players had to in the late 1960's  Explanation:

Which of the following is not part of the bone?
O A.
Osteons
O B.
Epiphysis
OC. Spongy bone
OD.
Tendon

Answers

Tendon, because Tendons are made up of connective tissues that connect muscle and bones together. (Tendons are made of collagen, not bone)

PLEASE HELP

what happenes if there ia a mutation in the base sequence?

Answers

Answer:

The molecule will be converted into an inorganic compound. The amino acid sequence may be altered during protein synthesis.

Explanation:

Give me brainliest so the other people know that the other guy is correct

Generally speaking, a drug is _____ substance that is taken to bring about a change in a person’s behaviour or body. Is it biological or chemical??

Answers

Answer:

Chemical.

Explanation:

Drugs are substances that cause an "intoxication". The definitions of an intoxicant are many, but what they all have in common is that they affect the central nervous system by altering the release of various transmitter substances (including serotonin, dopamine, etc.) in the communication between the nerve endings. This will result in more or fewer action potentials in relation to the unaffected state, that is, the communication of the nerves is affected either to be more or less active than usual.

Evaluting the health of a dating relationship on a regular basis is important.

A. true

B. false

Answers

Answer:

a.true

Explanation:

because mental health is very important in a relationship

A
it is important to take both of ur mental health’s into consideration

Do all of the guests on the show agree that addiction is a disease?
please answer

Answers

Yes, and you can also catch diseases

holographic sentences communicate a thought or feeling with one word. true or false

Answers

Answer: It is True

Explanation: I hope this helps you

John wants to increase his endurance and focus. Which cross-training activities will
help him reach this goal?
A
sit-ups and visualizing
B
balance drills and diving
C
push-ups and timed sprints
D
long-distance running and yoga poses

Answers

pretty sure the answer is D

What should I pack to run away I'm really debating if I want to do it. My mom forced me to stay home this whole year and now my grades are the 6th letter of the alphabet and even though the school told her it was mandatory for me to go back, she told them no. Please tell me what to pack!

Answers

For sure water, food, snacks, clothes/shoes, and any entertainment.

Food, and DEFINITELY water, those are th. most important, also things such as clothes, and maybe 2 blankets. Also stuff for hygiene so you can keep clean, like maybe some travel toothpaste and a brush. And maybe something like a journal for entertainment, you're phone and a ccchargeof possible

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